Ghost Stories
by Desbelleschoses
Summary: (Some Halloween-y fun) On the way back from their most recent mission, Team Kakashi tells ghost stories to pass the time. Tenzo pulls out an old Japanese tale in an attempt to scare the kids.


"Ugh," Naruto scoffed. "Are we ever gonna be there? We've been walking forever."

"We'll be home soon enough," Tenzo assured his charge. "I know walking is boring, but we'll be home by morning if we keep moving through the night."

"But I'm _bored._ "

"Why don't we do something to pass the time? We could tell ghost stories." Tenzo suggested, glancing at Sai and Sakura to judge their reactions.

"Please. Scary stories are for kids." Naruto shook his head.

"Not the good ones," Sai countered. "You'd know that if you sat down with a book every now and again."

"Stop it, you two," snapped Sakura. "I think it'll be fun."

"Why don't you start, Sakura?" Tenzo suggested.

"Okay. The one that scares me the most is Cow Head."

"Cow head?" Naruto inquired.

Sakura nodded. "The story of Cow Head is so terrifying that no one dares to tell it. If someone is unlucky enough to hear the story, they go mad. They start shaking and shaking, and this goes on for days on end until they finally die. I heard about a schoolteacher who told the story to his class to keep them entertained. All of the kids started seizing, and the teacher couldn't stop telling the story, even parts he'd never heard before. They were lucky enough that the bus driver wrecked, breaking the cycle. All the kids and the teacher went catatonic, and when they woke up, none of them could remember what happened or even knew what Cow Head was."

"Wait," Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Your scary story is _about_ a scary story? One that no one remembers because they forget it or they die after hearing it?" He scoffed. "That's a load of crap, Sakura, and you know it."

"No, it's not!" Sakura took a swing at his arm. "It's real. How else would I know that the story's about hanging cow skeletons and symbolic decorations?"

Naruto clapped his hands over his ears. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Can't curse me!"

"Idiot." Sakura rolled her eyes.

Sai smiled and tapped Naruto on the shoulder, making him jump. "Looks like you're afraid of a story of a story after all, hm?"

"Hey, if you want to hear it and die, be my guest! No way I'm risking it. I've got way too much to live for than to die because of some dumb story."

"Then why don't you tell us a scary story, Naruto?" Sakura challenged.

"I have one," Tenzo suggested. "It's an old ghost story, one I heard from some ANBU members back when I was a kid. They swear it's true, too."

"Oh yeah? Let's hear it," Naruto challenged his captain.

Tenzo cleared his throat. "Late one night, a man was rushing up a slope, when he saw a woman crouched beside a moat, weeping bitterly alone. Afraid that she planned to drown herself, the man stopped to see if he could console her. She was well-dressed, slight of frame, and her hair was styled in the way of young girls from good families. The man approached her, crying out, 'Honorable damsel, honorable damsel, do not cry like that! Tell me what is troubling you; I will be glad to help you in any way I can.' He was a kind man, and he meant every word. The woman continued to weep, hiding her face in her long sleeve.

'Honorable damsel,' he said gently, 'please listen to me. This is no place for a young woman at night! Please, do not cry. Only, tell me how I might help you.'

The woman stood up slowly, turning her back on the man while crying into her sleeve. He placed his hand lightly on her shoulder, pleading 'Honorable damsel, listen to me for just one moment.' At this, the woman dropped her sleeve and turned around, stroking her face. It was then that the man saw she had no eyes or nose or mouth; he screamed and ran away.

Up the slope he ran, and all was black and empty before him. He ran and ran, never looking back. In the distance he saw a pinprick of light cast from a lantern; he set his sights on the light and made for it. As he neared, he saw that the light was that of a soba seller, who had set up his stand on the roadside. Any light and any human companionship was desirable after his encounter, and he threw himself at the soba seller's feet, crying out – 'Aa! – aa! – _aa!'_

'What is the matter with you? Did somebody hurt you?' The soba seller exclaimed.

'Nobody hurt me,' panted the man, 'only – aa! – _aa!'_

'Only scared you?' the seller asked unsympathetically. 'Robbers?'

'Not robbers – not robbers.' He gasped. 'I saw a woman, by the moat – and she showed me – aa! – _aa!_ I cannot tell you what she showed me!'

'Oh? Was it anything like _this?_ ' the soba seller cried, stroking his own face, which had turned smooth as an egg. Simultaneously, the lights went out."*

"Oh, come on! That's not scary! So the lady didn't have a face, big deal!" Naruto crossed his arms and shook his head.

Tenzo turned to glare at Naruto, his ghoul-face illuminated by the moonlight. "Don't dismiss it so quickly. These old legends are rooted in truth."

Naruto flinched, but he held his ground. "Nice try, Captain Yamato. You know, you're not as scary as you think you are!"

"He's right, Naruto," Sakura protested. "Stories like that have been passed down for generations. There's almost always a bit of truth to them."

"You're just being superstitious." Naruto waved his hand dismissively. "We're ninja, remember? We don't buy into that supernatural crap."

"There's nothing conclusive to prove the existence of supernatural beings like that," Sai added, surprising Naruto by taking his side. "They're stories."

Tenzo bit back a sigh. So much for the group bonding exercise. Well, Sai and Naruto were getting along, at least. "Alright, mine wasn't scary. Anyone else want to give it a try?"

"I'm up for it," Sakura smiled at her captain. "Let's see… okay, it was a dark and stormy night-"

Naruto's stomach let out a loud growl, interrupting Sakura and drawing questioning looks from the group. "What? I'm starving. We haven't eaten in a day!"

"You had a food pill." Sakura rolled her eyes.

"I need _food_ , Sakura. Real food. I'm so hungry I can smell… I don't even know what I smell, but I want it!"

"I smell it, too," Sai admitted. "Is that pork?"

"Look!" Naruto jumped as he pointed ahead of them, where the forest cleared and the path was open. Just at the edge of their vision, a light flickered from a post, casting a warm glow around itself. "Captain Yamato? Can we stop? Please?"

"I guess we have time," Tenzo looked up at the moon to check the hour. Sunrise was still a few hours off. They could make some more ground before they had to stop once day broke. "But I'm not paying."

Naruto didn't seem to care when he sped to a jog, leaving the forest behind and following his nose. Sai wasn't far behind him, and Sakura brought up the rear, calling for them to wait. Tenzo walked after them, letting his comrades expend some of their excess energy. Naruto rushed up to the stand and threw himself against the wooden counter, a wide grin on his face. "Hey, old man!" he shouted at the chef's back. "Whatever you've got, I'll take the largest!"

"Coming up," the chef agreed jovially, grabbing a bowl from the stack to his left and piling it high with fried noodles, vegetables, and pork. Naruto drooled on the counter as he watched, and his stomach roared with impatience.

Sakura took a seat on the stool to Naruto's right. "That smells wonderful!" She hadn't realized how famished she was until she saw the food for herself.

"Make that two more," Sai requested for both himself and Sakura.

Naruto broke apart his chopsticks in anticipation as the chef turned to hand him his bowl. The porcelain clacked against the wood, and Naruto inhaled deeply. "Thank you for the food!" he smiled up at the chef.

The chef didn't smile back.

He had no face to do so.

Naruto screamed like he was being murdered and fell backwards off his stool. He stumbled back as quickly as he could, stammering and wide-eyed. Sakura shrieked, an ear-piercing sound. Sai caught her around the waist and leaped back, taking her with him to what he considered a safe distance.

Tenzo had finally made it to the stand. He was doubled over in laughter, supporting himself with one hand on the wooden counter. He was gasping for breath and shaking. Unable to take it anymore, he let himself fall into a seated position beside the stand, clutching at his sides as tears streamed down his face. All his ANBU emotional training was forgotten as he reveled at the looks his team was giving him.

The chef disappeared in a puff of white smoke, and in his place stood Kakashi, who grinned and held up two fingers in greeting to his students.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Naruto squealed, his voice breaking. His hand clutched at his vest, above his heart. By his side, Sakura's chakra bubbled in anger, and even Sai outwardly appeared enraged.

"Maa," Kakashi said placatingly, waving his hand. "We can't have a little fun?"

"Fuck you!"

Kakashi's smile fell from his eye. "Well, that's not nice."

"Kakashi-sensei, Captain Yamato," Sakura's voice sung with betrayal, "you _planned_ this!"

Finally able to catch his breath, Tenzo stood back up and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "You three don't give us nearly enough credit. It's not our fault that you're predictable."

"Wait," Sai spoke, looking warily between his elders. "Kakashi-senpai wasn't on this mission with us. How long ago did you and Yamato-senpai plan this?"

"Okay, once again, I'm not your senpai," Kakashi reminded him. "Me being former ANBU doesn't make me your senpai. And Yamato is your captain, and, thus, not your senpai." He felt like he'd said this a thousand times; either Sai was forgetful or obstinate.

Tenzo bit back a laugh, amused at how prickly Kakashi would get when Sai used the wrong honorifics with him. "We got the idea last week. The timing with our mission just worked out well."

"You two are twisted!" Naruto accused. His eyes began to water. "All I wanted was some food, and you guys had to go and do this."

"You can still have the food, Naruto," Kakashi reminded him.

"You can cook?"

"Yes," Kakashi said indignantly at the same time Tenzo made a 'ehhhh' sound and tilted his hand from side to side.

Deciding that the answer was good enough, Naruto stood and brushed himself off, salvaging what little pride he had left as he sat back down on his stool, digging into the bowl that had been placed before him. Sakura and Sai joined him, and the three ninja ate in silence. Tenzo and Kakashi stood behind the stand, indulging themselves in the same late-night snack.

Kakashi pulled his mask down to take a bite, pressing the top of a chopstick to his lips as he chewed. He swallowed and mused, "How are we going to beat this next autumn?"

Tenzo shrugged. "We have a year to figure it out. They'll be suspicious next time, though."

"What about that story Anko told us? The one about Kuchisake-Onna?"

"The slit-mouthed woman? That would be hard to pull off."

"Exactly. They won't see it coming."

"That's cruel, senpai."

Kakashi smirked before taking another bite. "It's payback, my dear kouhai. We've earned a laugh after everything those three put us through during the year. It's more than fair, if you ask me."

* * *

*Adapted from "Mujina." Kwaidan: stories and studies of strange things, by Lafcadio Hearn; 1904; Houghton Mifflin Company, New York.


End file.
